Words I Can't Remember

There are these words I can't remember. I don't know why that is. All of us, from time to time, come up short when we reach for a word. But that's not what I am talking about. These words are specific words; the same handful of words every time. There is nothing especially difficult about these words. Here, see for yourself.

Inertia
Tweed
Visi-Calc
Aesthetic Outrage
Disparate Impact

See? Nothing about them is difficult.

I have wondered if this has something to do with aging. We lose so much with the passing of years. I suppose it COULD be an aging thing. I only learned Aesthetic Outrage a few years ago; but it was Teflon from the git-go, sliding just out of reach with each attempt to apply it. And Disparate Impact dropped off my radar in just the last couple of years when I stopped using it on a daily basis. I almost didn't put Visi-Calc on the list. I mean, so MUCH of the '80s is forgettable. Maybe that was just inevitable. But a couple of these words, inertia and tweed, have been hiding from me for decades. What does that say about the way I age?

So, with age at least suspect, I can't help but think it might be some sort of mental block. I find this both strange and troubling. So much of my self-concept is wrapped up in words. I love to tell stories. Words are essential for that. And yet, here are a handful that dance just out of range when I reach for them. Most of these are words I reach for on a fairly regular basis. These particular words show up in stories I like to tell. They SHOULD pop right up. But, when I want them ... they're not there. I like these words. Why won't the come when I need them?

Perhaps you are wondering how it is I can reveal them to you if I can't remember them. Well, after a while, I finally had to write them down. So, copy & paste to the rescue. Sort of.

One of the things (just one of the many things) I like about books is that the words stay right where I left them. Any time I need to recall certain words, all I have to do is open the book and look them up. I find that absolutely brilliant! I love it! My memory, or lack thereof, is never really an issue. Perhaps that is why I keep so many of my books after I've finished reading them. It is comforting to know I can just dip into one of them to find the thought or passage that is tickling at the edge of my mind and know that I WILL find it.

All of this points to an important lesson: memory is undependable. I've said, for years, that memoirs should be classified as fiction. In fact, I suspect they invented the biography classification because even the publishing industry recognizes that memoirs don't qualify as non-fiction. Our memories are just not dependable.

When I write a memoir piece, I struggle with keeping it on track. There is this persistent urge to remember it better than it was, to remember ME as better than I was. I am constantly having to check myself, to re-read a section, to be sure I didn't gloss over the part where I was a jerk just because it is painful to remember it as it was. I do a lot of rewrites.

Recently I read an article that goes a long way to explaining this phenomena. Apparently, we can't help it. We are sort of spring-loaded to remember things differently than they happened. And this is not limited to the reshaping of negative memories into positive, or at least less negative, memories. We even remember our treasured memories differently.

We don't "Save." We "Save As."

It turns out the process we call "memory" is heavily laced with creativity. We are creative beings; something that should come as no surprise to those of us who believe we are created in the image of God. Creativity is such a part of God, we must be crammed full of it. So, perhaps we should not get too uptight about the gaps in our memories. The fact that we save over our memories with revised memories strongly suggests creation is stronger than memory. In fact, if you can understand that, you can understand what scripture means when it says love covers a multitude of sins.

So, I have decided to not stress about the memory thing. I will continue to write down those gap words. iPhones and iPads are a big help. I can keep my list handy. And, I suspect that's not the end of it. Lately, I've been having a little trouble remembering asynchronous ...