Green-Eyed Monster?

Green-Eyed Monster
(a reverie by Steve Orr)

Parenting brings with it many puzzling episodes. One of the most puzzling (and disturbing) is how the ol' Green-eyed Monster shows up when you least expect it. Yes, I am talking about jealousy. If you are a parent, you no doubt have some idea where this is going. If not, just hold on. You may be surprised.

I did a lot of thinking about parenting before actually becoming one. I read good books and articles. I knew what to expect while "we" were expecting, and I THOUGHT I knew what to expect when we stopped expecting and started the next phase.

There were many surprises.

Sleep, for instance. No matter how many times people tell you, with a bit of a laugh, that you are going to go without sufficient sleep for the first few weeks (months ... years!), you just don't really believe it will be as bad as it turns out to be. As more than one sleep-deprived parent has quipped, "It's a good thing God made them cute!" But, you deal. And just about the time you think you will slip into non-temporary insanity, the kid sleeps an extra hour. Sure, you wake up panicked that first time, but you get over that pretty quickly.

But, as bad as that was, it was the green-eyed monster that really shook me.

As a new parent, one of the strangest things I ever had to deal with was the fact that my child sometimes preferred one parent over another; specifically, her mother over me. When this first occurred, I was shocked! I think what I expected was that our baby would constantly and consistently love us both because that's how we both loved her.

Turns out it is natural for a child to prefer one adult to another for some period of time. And, yes, knowing that DOES help deal with it, but not as much as you would think. It's the old "I know it, intellectually" versus the "I feel rejected" emotion. Intellect is a bit of a lightweight in that battle.

It hurts.

And, the very next stop on the pity express is becoming jealous of the adult your kid has latched on to. It doesn't matter if it is your spouse or an in-law or even one of your own parents ... you WISH it was you, and it bothers you, deeply, that it is not.

I was jealous! And I am not certain which disturbed me most, that I was jealous or that I felt rejected. And even THAT uncertainty was disturbing. My emotions were making a strong push to overrule my head.

Now, the good news in all this is that the little angels don't STAY fixated on that one person; they are equal-opportunity snubbers. After a few weeks of only wanting Grandma or only wanting Momma, they switch to someone else. And then for a while, that person gets their almost undivided attention. The only cure for this situation is patience. Eventually, children grow out of this. And eventually they grow to the point they want you to let them out a block from school lest any of their friends discover they have parents ... but that's a story for another time ;-)