There are these words I can't remember. I don't know why that is. All of us, from time to time, come up short when we reach for a word. But that's not what I am talking about. These words are specific words; the same handful of words every time. There is nothing especially difficult about these words. Here, see for yourself.
Inertia
Tweed
Visi-Calc
Aesthetic Outrage
Disparate Impact
See? Nothing about them is difficult.
I have wondered if this has something to do with aging. We lose so much with the passing of years. I suppose it COULD be an aging thing. I only learned Aesthetic Outrage a few years ago; but it was Teflon from the git-go, sliding just out of reach with each attempt to apply it. And Disparate Impact dropped off my radar in just the last couple of years when I stopped using it on a daily basis. I almost didn't put Visi-Calc on the list. I mean, so MUCH of the '80s is forgettable. Maybe that was just inevitable. But a couple of these words, inertia and tweed, have been hiding from me for decades. What does that say about the way I age?
So, with age at least suspect, I can't help but think it might be some sort of mental block. I find this both strange and troubling. So much of my self-concept is wrapped up in words. I love to tell stories. Words are essential for that. And yet, here are a handful that dance just out of range when I reach for them. Most of these are words I reach for on a fairly regular basis. These particular words show up in stories I like to tell. They SHOULD pop right up. But, when I want them ... they're not there. I like these words. Why won't the come when I need them?
Perhaps you are wondering how it is I can reveal them to you if I can't remember them. Well, after a while, I finally had to write them down. So, copy & paste to the rescue. Sort of.
One of the things (just one of the many things) I like about books is that the words stay right where I left them. Any time I need to recall certain words, all I have to do is open the book and look them up. I find that absolutely brilliant! I love it! My memory, or lack thereof, is never really an issue. Perhaps that is why I keep so many of my books after I've finished reading them. It is comforting to know I can just dip into one of them to find the thought or passage that is tickling at the edge of my mind and know that I WILL find it.
All of this points to an important lesson: memory is undependable. I've said, for years, that memoirs should be classified as fiction. In fact, I suspect they invented the biography classification because even the publishing industry recognizes that memoirs don't qualify as non-fiction. Our memories are just not dependable.
When I write a memoir piece, I struggle with keeping it on track. There is this persistent urge to remember it better than it was, to remember ME as better than I was. I am constantly having to check myself, to re-read a section, to be sure I didn't gloss over the part where I was a jerk just because it is painful to remember it as it was. I do a lot of rewrites.
Recently I read an article that goes a long way to explaining this phenomena. Apparently, we can't help it. We are sort of spring-loaded to remember things differently than they happened. And this is not limited to the reshaping of negative memories into positive, or at least less negative, memories. We even remember our treasured memories differently.
We don't "Save." We "Save As."
It turns out the process we call "memory" is heavily laced with creativity. We are creative beings; something that should come as no surprise to those of us who believe we are created in the image of God. Creativity is such a part of God, we must be crammed full of it. So, perhaps we should not get too uptight about the gaps in our memories. The fact that we save over our memories with revised memories strongly suggests creation is stronger than memory. In fact, if you can understand that, you can understand what scripture means when it says love covers a multitude of sins.
So, I have decided to not stress about the memory thing. I will continue to write down those gap words. iPhones and iPads are a big help. I can keep my list handy. And, I suspect that's not the end of it. Lately, I've been having a little trouble remembering asynchronous ...
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
4th & Final Part - Sabotage and Mustard Seeds
(a not very brief Lectionary reflection by Steve Orr ... in parts ... and this is the final part)
When we started this journey a few weeks back, I promised you I would explain what sabotage had to do with mustard seeds, and I will perform on that promise this week. The first week we looked at the labor movement in 1920 and the fact that sabotage was sometimes employed by those who were pro-labor. The second week we explored why we often feel our faith is inadequate, that it doesn't seem to stand up to the standard of "mustard seed faith."
In the third week we wanted to understand just what Jesus meant when he told his disciples "I assure you that if you have as much faith as a grain of mustard seed, you can say to this hill ("mountain" in the NIV), 'Up you get and move over there!' and it will move --- you will find nothing is impossible."; so we spent some time learning about the mustard seed itself. We learned that, over time, the mustard seed transforms itself from the smallest of seeds into the largest of plants, that our faith could be similarly nurtured from weakness to strength.
Here's where we tie all of that together. During the labor movement of the 1920's, certain labor leaders considered sabotage a legitimate means of drawing attention to their cause. It should be noted that even those who agreed (clearly the minority) saw these as the acts of desperate people; last ditch efforts to be employed only when all other means had failed.
One of the most effective weapons of sabotage employed by these folks (you saw this coming, right?) was the mustard seed. Saboteurs used to sneak large amounts of mustard seeds into concrete mixtures. They were so small, no one noticed them among the sand, pebbles, and other ingredients. The "miracle" of the mustard seed occurred long after the liquid concrete mixture had been poured into forms and hardened. Those little mustard seeds did enormous damage. How?
Just by being themselves.
Remember what Jesus said about those little seeds? "... it grows and become the largest plant in the garden." Even encased in concrete, those mustard seeds just kept in growing. Nothing more.
And nothing less.
What would it be like if WE were those mustard seeds? Would we look around us and say, "Oh well. I'm completely blocked in. There's nothing I can do." Or could we bring ourselves to say, "I may be a tiny mustard seed, but I can do what I was designed to do. God doesn't ask any more of me than that. I will grow." When those seeds grew, they did a real number on that concrete. It crumbled to pieces under the onslaught of those little mustard seeds.
Just so we're clear, I am NOT suggesting you go out and use your God-given gifts destructively. I AM recommending you consider that Jesus may not have been talking about size, alone, when he used the mustard seed to illustrate true faith. What is it to have "as much faith" as a mustard seed? Isn't it just that amount of faith needed to go on doing what God designed us for, even when surrounded by adversity?
Height, width, breadth ... none of these dimensions matters in a human being. The dimension that matters is depth. Next time you find yourself thinking your faith is too weak or second rate ---perhaps feeling blocked in or immobilized by the hard things in your life--- remember the saboteurs and their tiny mustard seeds. Trust that God gave you a faith that, though now tiny, will grow; a faith that, in the end, will grow so large it will overshadow your problems. The branches of your faith may even, in time, become a haven for others. Nurture it.
################################################
As always, if you are in Waco Friday morning, you're invited to join our little band at Cafe Cappuccino (8:00 a.m., downtown on 6th Street, near the Courthouse) for breakfast and a great time kicking around this week's Lectionary passages. We would love to have you drop in.
READINGS FOR THE COMING WEEK
Proper 14 (19) (August 7, 2011)
Genesis 37:1-4, 12-28 and Psalm 105: 1-6, 16-22, 45b
1 Kings 19:9-18 and Psalm 85:8-13
Romans 10:5-15
Matthew 14:22-33
When we started this journey a few weeks back, I promised you I would explain what sabotage had to do with mustard seeds, and I will perform on that promise this week. The first week we looked at the labor movement in 1920 and the fact that sabotage was sometimes employed by those who were pro-labor. The second week we explored why we often feel our faith is inadequate, that it doesn't seem to stand up to the standard of "mustard seed faith."
In the third week we wanted to understand just what Jesus meant when he told his disciples "I assure you that if you have as much faith as a grain of mustard seed, you can say to this hill ("mountain" in the NIV), 'Up you get and move over there!' and it will move --- you will find nothing is impossible."; so we spent some time learning about the mustard seed itself. We learned that, over time, the mustard seed transforms itself from the smallest of seeds into the largest of plants, that our faith could be similarly nurtured from weakness to strength.
Here's where we tie all of that together. During the labor movement of the 1920's, certain labor leaders considered sabotage a legitimate means of drawing attention to their cause. It should be noted that even those who agreed (clearly the minority) saw these as the acts of desperate people; last ditch efforts to be employed only when all other means had failed.
One of the most effective weapons of sabotage employed by these folks (you saw this coming, right?) was the mustard seed. Saboteurs used to sneak large amounts of mustard seeds into concrete mixtures. They were so small, no one noticed them among the sand, pebbles, and other ingredients. The "miracle" of the mustard seed occurred long after the liquid concrete mixture had been poured into forms and hardened. Those little mustard seeds did enormous damage. How?
Just by being themselves.
Remember what Jesus said about those little seeds? "... it grows and become the largest plant in the garden." Even encased in concrete, those mustard seeds just kept in growing. Nothing more.
And nothing less.
What would it be like if WE were those mustard seeds? Would we look around us and say, "Oh well. I'm completely blocked in. There's nothing I can do." Or could we bring ourselves to say, "I may be a tiny mustard seed, but I can do what I was designed to do. God doesn't ask any more of me than that. I will grow." When those seeds grew, they did a real number on that concrete. It crumbled to pieces under the onslaught of those little mustard seeds.
Just so we're clear, I am NOT suggesting you go out and use your God-given gifts destructively. I AM recommending you consider that Jesus may not have been talking about size, alone, when he used the mustard seed to illustrate true faith. What is it to have "as much faith" as a mustard seed? Isn't it just that amount of faith needed to go on doing what God designed us for, even when surrounded by adversity?
Height, width, breadth ... none of these dimensions matters in a human being. The dimension that matters is depth. Next time you find yourself thinking your faith is too weak or second rate ---perhaps feeling blocked in or immobilized by the hard things in your life--- remember the saboteurs and their tiny mustard seeds. Trust that God gave you a faith that, though now tiny, will grow; a faith that, in the end, will grow so large it will overshadow your problems. The branches of your faith may even, in time, become a haven for others. Nurture it.
################################################
As always, if you are in Waco Friday morning, you're invited to join our little band at Cafe Cappuccino (8:00 a.m., downtown on 6th Street, near the Courthouse) for breakfast and a great time kicking around this week's Lectionary passages. We would love to have you drop in.
READINGS FOR THE COMING WEEK
Proper 14 (19) (August 7, 2011)
Genesis 37:1-4, 12-28 and Psalm 105: 1-6, 16-22, 45b
1 Kings 19:9-18 and Psalm 85:8-13
Romans 10:5-15
Matthew 14:22-33
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