She was not the kind of woman the stay-at-home moms would have invited over for coffee . . . had she been at home to be invited. Mama worked, full time, at the phone company; back when AT&T was something of a monopoly. In the early years her hours were erratic; she started as an Operator and had to work when scheduled. So, she wasn't always available when I thought we needed her. In those days, when she was at work, my slightly younger sister and I were cared for either by relatives or by hired help. Once I reached Junior High School, we became latchkey kids, with me being responsible for my sister.
In the pseudo-wisdom of my youth, like many people, I found my parents lacking. I often compared them, unfavorably, to other adults for what I considered deficiencies in their parenting, our home, our possessions, their work, etc., etc. It seemed to me that my parents had missed the boat on several fronts.
At one point in my life I had a very long laundry list of complaints, mostly charged to my mother, that started with my room (no heat, no air-conditioning) and ran on to include my lack of a wardrobe (mostly hand-me-downs), paltry allowances, not being driven to school (which was across town), unfair treatment, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Then life happened.
As absolutely none of you will be surprised to learn, my view of my parents changed significantly when I became a parent. And it has continued to change over the years. Oh, my mother still had her problems. I'm not looking back through rose-colored glasses, forgetting the problems. No. What HAS happened is that I have begun to value things which I either had previously discounted, down to zero in some cases, or which I had failed to perceive at all.
My mother was not the ideal woman. But, seriously, who is? The worthy woman described in Proverbs 31 has many commendable qualities. She keeps her home in good shape. She conducts business profitably. She truly is a worthy woman.
And she is an ideal.
I see some of my mother in that passage. And I see some things there that would never have applied to her. Mama could be petty, and could hold a grudge like nobody's business. She also was an unflagging champion of the underdog, rescued people others had given up on, and was steadfast to those she befriended. I could keep delivering these, seeming, incompatible contrasts for several pages.
In short, she was a human being, with all the flaws and foibles attendant to that. But, she is also the one who taught me to regard all people equally, regardless of race, gender, etc. She is the one who modeled for me how to make and keep commitments, how to provide for family both monetarily and by keeping a clean, safe place for us to live; taught me to love reading, taught me how to drive a car, inculcated me with many of the philosophies that form the ribs of my life.
So, yes, Mama was no angel; she possessed many negative qualities that branded her as certifiably human. And, no, Mama was not exactly a role model.
She was just like all of us; not wholly ideal. But there were some truly fine parts. And that is the little secret of this week's Proverbs passage.
It is sometimes referred to as "The Worthy Woman." But if you read it with the right eyes, you'll realize it could just as easily be called "The Worthy Human." Think about it. Is there anyone, any person, regardless of gender, who wouldn't like to have such wonderful things said of them?
The key to understanding the passage is in the opening phrase: "Who can find a worthy...?" If one must search, then it can't be the standard; can't be the everyday baseline for acceptable behavior in this life. Who could fully live up to that?
"Not exactly a role model" could describe any of us. In that light, the Proverbs 31 passage constitutes a worthy goal for us all.
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READINGS FOR THE COMING WEEK
http://lectionary.library.vanderbilt
Proper 20 (25) (September 23, 2012)
Proverbs 31:10-31
Psalm 1
Jeremiah 11:18-20
Psalm 54
James 3:13 - 4:3, 7-8a
Mark 9:30-37
Who can find a worthy human? If you are one of those who, like me, believes the search for ideals is a good use of your time, then join us Friday morning at Cafe Cappuccino (downtown Waco on 6th, near the Courthouse) at 8:00.
The food is good and the company is better.
Enjoy the week!
Steve
